a choc a day ; keeps the blues away

wholebean @ 2008-12-06T23:58:00

2008-12-22T15:44:04Z

i hate myself for being like this, but i cant help it.

wholebean @ 2008-07-07T23:22:00

2008-07-07T15:50:41Z

you know somethimes you just wanna be alone and avoid people? because the closer you are with people,friends, the higher the chance of hurting them, (or being hurt). sometimes there was a concious effort of trying not to, but inevitably you will? and it feels sucky. the loser way of solving is, avoiding. i guess sometimes subconciously i try to meet man's expectation- which its always never ending.
circumstances are overwhelming me bit by bit, and its kinda depressing. dont ask me what is happening because i too cant comprehend them. im not going into a state of depression, or 'emo-ing'.but perhaps im just, confused.

who am i

2007-12-09T16:41:07Z

who am i
that the Lord of all the earth
who care to know my name
who care to feel my hurt

who am i
that the bright and morning star
will choose to light the way
from my ever wondering heart

not because of who i am
but because of what you've done
not because of what i've done
but because of who you are

cheers

2007-11-02T17:35:30Z

hello life seems like such a routine now.like totally.home-cheers-home-cheers-home.oh wells. maybe go out once in a while? but ya, thats basically what i have to do for the next 18 weeks.it feels kinda like im wasting my life away.so much for living life to the fullest, i feel guilty for not living up to it..

oh Lord, make my life a testimony for you

Jesus, beautiful saviour

2007-10-07T14:23:56Z

Jesus, beautiful saviour
God of all majesty, risen king
lamb of God, holy and righteous
blessed redeemer, bright morning star
all the heaven shout your praise
all creation bow to worship you

how wonderful, how beautiful
name above every name
exalted high
how wonderful, how beautiful
Jesus your name, name above every name
JESUS.

wholebean @ 2007-08-26T01:41:00

2007-08-25T18:08:21Z

im back.
the exam season is now over, finished the race.but it was not a good run though. im pretty sure that i wont be able to do well in this exam.and yes im rather disappointed with myself..
during the exam period, i received a sms from my friend saying: press on with purpose-ful-ness as you study to win the prize.
yes it kinda reminded me that i have actually a so much greater purpose for studying, a reason to do so. talking so much about glorifying God with my studies and my results, yet i didnt give my best. so much so for asking God for His grace to see me through the papers and to even surrender my results to him, i feel so unworthy.
having the thought of a possibility to repeat module(s) freak me out. but no matter what
O Lord let your will be done, i pray.

and i will praise You no matter what's the result.

wholebean @ 2007-07-18T00:29:00

2007-07-17T16:34:44Z

hello ive decided to take a break from the Iirritating FY proj and to post smth really SWEET here. nope, its not donuts, they are my beloved poly friends (: they added everyone into one chat room and bombarded me with all their wishes ! and look at their nick ! all of them declared their love for me on msn ! AWWW.

HAPPY B'DAE XUE... 18th liao... Love ya...God Bless says:
happy bidae
RAH - XUE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! says:
happy birthday dear!!!!!!!!!!
<É£¡zåßêth> HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY XUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE YOU (: says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYY XUEEEEEEEEEEE
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUE ! says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUE !!!
RAH - XUE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
RAH - XUE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUE ! says:
LOL
RAH - XUE HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! says:
WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just for in case you cant actually see properly, trish, jo, eliz, rah, sandy are in the conversation.heh. ohmygosh.i feel so loved. really.seriously, life at poly will be super dreadful if not for them ! ohman, i really love you people alot !
-hugs and kisses to all (:

and also to yeeyan, thankyou for making the phone call to... my sis.hahaha :D

wholebean @ 2007-06-20T23:10:00

2007-06-20T15:16:38Z

hello i have lots to do tonight.

prepare talk for camp
type six months planning
type program for TM cell camp
edit the ICT project
pack bag

program for next few days:

thurs-friday: TM Cell camp, sharon's jie birthday chalet after that (and im staying over)
sat: church, then back to chalet (and im also staying over)
sun: i shall be good and go to poly cell, HARDCORE MUGGING after that

holiday is over, and crap I HAVN'T STUDY !

wholebean @ 2007-06-13T13:25:00

2007-06-13T05:26:40Z

its so-called the holidays and im drowned with the impossible workload.
seven projects in two weeks ! ahh madness.

and i miss you rah.

leaders' camp 07

2007-06-08T08:17:52Z

when i look around me, i see the tragedy
just beyond the surface
there's a million hearts that bleed

oh how true this is. we have the message, we have the hope, yet we are not doing anything about this. ive lost the passion to reach out, to see people save. it hass been all about being busy with my personal life, things of this world. but God burnt within me this compassion for the people again, during leaders' camp. when He just reminded me the ones who have gone without knowing the love of the Lord, without knowing the gift of eternal life.

He also kinda reminded me of ones who have backslided.people who were so fired up, so passionate about serving God, and yet they are now sucked into this world. God i pray You draw them back into your wonderful presence once again.

i dont wanna worship from afar
draw me closer to you , its my only desire

Father, let this truly be my only desire.

and most imortantly, He taught me the heart of a shepherd. leadership is a high calling, and we are dealing with people. yes, the precious lives which God has appointed to us. and ting is either one way or no way. He does not desire our half heartedness but all of it. i really wanna be sure to be able to look into His eyes one day and tell Him that ive done my best. i really pray God you give me the love for your people and that i'll be the shepherd you've called me to be.

lift up your eyes all of heavens in worship
angels rejoice and the clouds will be filled
with the wonder of your name
with the wonder of your name

once again, He showed me His glory during this camp. many hearts are edified, broken dreams are restored, and lives are changed. i have been stagnent for far too long, and He really revived me, this fire within my heart.
God i surrender my all.
my studies especially, my friends, my ministry and all that i do. may it glorify you Lord.amen.

wholebean @ 2007-05-27T15:56:00

2007-05-27T07:56:36Z

One day I decided to quit... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.

I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?" His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. It's brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said.

"In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said.

"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me.

"Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?"

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."

"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."

"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"

"How high should I rise?" I asked.

"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned.

Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

(taken from gerchang's blog)

wholebean @ 2007-05-27T15:33:00

2007-05-27T07:45:24Z

ahh i miss you so much.your innocence, passion, faith, love just inspired me.yeah the child-like heart that loves and forgives, without strings attached. and the things you do and said are simply so true.i miss the times we shared, i miss the laugher the joy and even the study sessions.i miss jumping with you in service, i miss trainings and going mission trip with you.and i simply miss you, maggietan.

yet its all one-sided.

wholebean @ 2007-05-15T00:05:00

2007-05-14T17:14:31Z

stared at the screen for more than 15minutes, thinking of what to type after every sentence.highlight it, and everything is gone again.and now im typing it all over again.ohwells.
im sorry for not updating for pretty long, ive so much to say yet i cant put it in words..
anyway guess school is so far okay for me, just that it has really become a routine. but im starting to feel the workload pilling up, and i am so not ready for it. so much so for wanting to do well this sem, ive no motivation at all, at least for now.and im working tmr.sianess :| double sighh.

many things are happening around me and some stuff really make me think hard

we are in the world but not of the world, yet i see everyone around me being sucked into this undesired culture, system.when vulgarities become the norm, gossips become a habit and ungodly living becomes a lifestyle.saying that we'll be judged by others, but im begining to feel ashamed as well.simply because we have God while others dont. yet some are behaving like, the rest.being called to be the salt and light?but so many are being caught up by the ways of the world.no im not saying im godly or whatever, but im just sadden by the things we do.
this generation, so unworthy of His sacrifice.

im not refering to anybody right here.but just pouring out my thoughts eh.no offence people (:

ps:
rah, arent we suppose to do NE toget ? ):

wholebean @ 2007-03-24T13:38:00

2007-03-24T05:46:13Z

haha thanks to dear rah, i have these photos.

yup sentosa-ed with her on thurs.the sun the sand hawker vivo shop.its great to meet up and to really update eachother with our lives.and we can say HAWKER FOOD IS GOOD.haha.and ya cant wait to meet the rest of the people yes jo, trish, eli, karie, yeeyan, jia, sandy ? (:
lunch or dinner someday alright !

wholebean @ 2007-03-23T00:29:00

2007-03-22T16:32:16Z

a new code of colour for xue's blog ! isnt this nice.haha took quite a long time , cause im quite retarded at this.heh.

/ when everything else fails, im gonna hold on to You.

wholebean @ 2007-03-20T23:26:00

2007-03-20T16:45:34Z

attended my sister's friend's wedding on sunday ! pretty close to her too so ya, really happy for her(: the ROM is held at swissotel ( forgot the name of the room) the whole ceremony went on well and indeed a really sweet one. aww.

here are some random pictures.hoho.

but firstly, the groom and the bride !

kelvin, having his hair done.

the room, its really nicely decorated i tell ya, with nice view too !
looking down from level 69 !

haha me and tong cam whored in the toilet.
whoa swiss toilet is nice !heh.

tong and the nicely displayed wine

tong may xue (:

aww lucky man ! hahaha.

kelvin was being saboed to sing, and he sang this love song to her.
it was uber sweet can !i want a bf who can sing too !heh.

the couple and most of us

the close ones

i was wearing kelvin's tux .
as you can see, its very big.haa.

i was asked to do this ! chekopei hahaha.

them in the room, holding on to our hardwork self-made album !

new york for dinner after that. food is GOOD, i say.

took this at guardian. this look alike sunglasses
suppose to be good for short sightedness.ohwell.nice eh !

jie at home (:

loveisintheair (:

wholebean @ 2007-03-16T00:11:00

2007-03-15T16:37:08Z

im tired and almost drained out by the responsibilities and commitments. both necessary and unnecessary. ya life has been really busy for me.even from the start of the year.and i guess its not gonna stop until the end of the month. it then leave me with only two weeks of so-called holidays. but thats when we have to start preparing for school.so this means that there's no holiday for xue.
while typing this entry, my bro just asked me to breakfast tmr morning.but i had to reject him cause i have to work tmr.and when was the last time i ate with my parents?i really dont know.there are so many stuff to catch up with friends but i really cant find the time to, well at least for the end of this week. but i guess this is the time when i really need to draw strength from God?and yes, He'll sustain me(:
then again i realised that people around me are even more stressed up, with their school stuff, commitments, relationship and everything you can think of. so it just makes me realise somehow that, xueting you should just shut up and stop complaining.

on a lighter note, had cell outing just now. i guess overall it was a sucess. welldone sherman. and service was good. to see how God move so mightily in different lives. and touching their hearts in such special ways. all i can say is God you're awesome and your love is really abundant(: yes all glory and honour goes to Him.amen.

and i'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
in all of the one who gave it all
and i'll stand my soul now to you surrendered
all i am is yours .

wholebean @ 2007-03-12T05:49:00

2007-03-11T21:57:18Z

its 5.50am and im still up all thanks to the data entry. okay i know this is dumb to stay up till so late to do it.i dont even study as hard can. have been sleeping at 3am for the past week and im dying. argh.mornings and afternoons are packed with meetings work course church and so i have to do it at night.and its due like wedensday !faints. and next weeek is gonna be packed as well. yes, xue is a busy girl :I

i'll meet up with you guys soon yeah .the week after next (: meanwhile enjoy your hols.

wholebean @ 2007-03-02T02:17:00

2007-03-01T18:40:47Z

hello im back. these few days have been straining.study study study. burn midnight oils and stuff. and im tired both mentally and physically.still, its 2am and i cant sleep.i guess im kinda used to sleeping late already.haha. but studying sessions have been fun ! with different people like ger isa rah peng mad (: hope results will be fine though.
took my last paper today, or rather yesterday( 1mar ), and im off to camp later at 8am.okay everbody pray that i'll survive this camp.hahaha. 3days2nights, bet you guys will miss me.ohwells just drop me a message.heh.

ohman i have a feeling that im gonna be super busy during the hols, well at least for the first few weeks.

Haagen Daz
data entry
cell outing
meetings

ahh tell me i'll be fine :I
okay im off again.heh.

wholebean @ 2007-02-12T15:21:00

2007-02-12T07:45:22Z

MEGALIFE FORTIFIED CAMP 2006 (:

wholebean @ 2007-02-03T11:52:00

2007-02-03T03:51:00Z

ahh crap. go away.

wholebean @ 2007-02-01T01:50:00

2007-02-01T17:15:15Z

im back(: bet you guys miss me like alot.haha.past week has been super tiring man. the 27bus drive can testify to that ! haha. on tues, i was on the way home from POM proj meeting and i slept in the bus. i missed my stop all the way to the interchange! and the bus driver had to wake me up. haha quite embarrassing, but didnt care larh, too tired to think of anything else.heh.

THE FINISHED PRODUCT !

bestie(:

this is the XIASUAY day i was talking about,
but she made it fun again(:

okay photos are super limited, gonna take from rah soon.
and my phone is killing me. having a spoilt phone is equivelant to not having a phone at all. the phone's battery life span is like one phone call larh.my gosh.and it has been three weeks ): i want my phone !or at least a better spare phone?haha i guess other than myself, alot of ppl got irritated with my phone as well. ah sorry larh, cant help it. :I

RAH: yeah, finish frontpage soon and it'll be the last lap. THE EXAM. all the way babe (:

wholebean @ 2007-01-27T11:05:00

2007-01-27T03:52:41Z

26th february, the XIASUAY day. seriously.
lets start from the morning.
work is at 10am at raffles city,so i left house at arnd 9am.took 15mins to walk to hougang mall, and upon reaching, i found out that i forgot to bring my wallet.so i have to walk back home again.and thus another 15mins is gone.
its 9.30am, which means that im gonna be late.natural human instinct, cab ! waited for the cab, and the worst thing is, it started to rain.so poor me has to stand there like an idiot.haa.after half-an-hour of waiting, finally got unto one.10mins through the journey,low and behold.there was a traffic jam !and so i was late for work.

met rah after work for EOC.xiasuay stuff then happened to her, got a phone call from her work place, gave her a shock of her life.haha.
dinner at moss, there is no power plug so we have to go somewhere else.cab to onefullerton to meet jon at starbucks.project-ed till 11.30pm.
then home.

day ended well i guess.
photos up another day(:

wholebean @ 2007-01-24T14:16:00

2007-01-24T06:26:28Z

in school now, using adilah's lap.there's econs presentation later on at three. which shows that one proj is down.3more to go though.
these two weeks have been spent in school,till 6+.finishing all projs which are due this or next week.yeah life have been kinda routine since then.with school work occupying my days and afternoons.but proj mates kept me alive(:

POM, EOC, FRONTPAGE.
we are gonna finish you soon !

wholebean @ 2007-01-11T21:50:00

2007-01-11T14:12:08Z

enjoy(:

SENTOSAVIVO :

while waiting for the blue-line bus

oh yeah, bnj simply rocks socks !

VIVO

the weidos.haha.

we so dont wanna grow up.heh.

CHALET:

(((((:

TADA :D

hohoho thats all peeps.LOVE(: